How God Carried me Through Nursing School

Just recently, I was searching for an old WTAMU sweater through some of my belongings from those infamous college days, when I ran across a journal from my past.  As I began to flip through the pages, I quickly recalled one of the biggest turning points in my life. During this time, there are numerous things that have been suppressed in my memory all because of this tragic event. One such memory I cannot recall, was when I drove my best friend to the hospital as she was in pre-term labor. I stayed there by her side while she struggled to keep her 24 week baby in the womb. However, if it wasn’t for us talking recently, I would have never remembered this. As we have remained best friends since college, I don’t quite know how I could have forgotten something that was such a sentinel event in her life, and mine. Even though my recollection of the past has faded over time, I feel like me stumbling upon this journal is a calling from God for me share how I managed to persevere through the most daunting time of my life.

It was 2002, when I was in nursing school and I met this wonderful guy, I will call him MM for short.  MM and I were inseparable, greatest of friends.  We loved each other very much.  We were 7 years apart in age(Before I proceed any further, I would like to remind you as I am telling you this story I am happily married, to who I consider my soul mate. Though it is totally cliché, there is no other way to describe it.) .MM was 27 years young, I was only 20.  He treated me like a queen.  Always there for me when I needed him.  I could call him night or day.  Being 27 years old, he was in a different place in life.  So when he asked me to marry him someday, I said “YES.”  This did not have a ring involved.  And I knew enough about myself at that time to know I was not ready for marriage.  He hated to hear me say, “I won’t get married until I am at least 27 years old.” But we were happy together, no doubt,  So, the day I got the phone call from him telling me that he was in the hospital in Lubbock Tx, I can remember very vividly.  I remember everything about that dreadful day because less than 24 hours later he would die.

Unexpected deaths have a different grieving process than expected deaths.  Maybe that’s why, after the ICU nurses and Dr’s walked out of those double doors to tell me, his parents, his brothers, and his friends that he was dead, I don’t remember a thing. —- What?! I have never prayed so hard in my life as I did that dark morning hours….., standing outside that ICU room as they pressed his chest, pumped him full of Sodium Bicarb and Epinephrine.  I thought God answered prayers! How could God take him? MM, You said you would never leave me?

My mind and body completely shut down.  So how did I go back to nursing school? How did I pass nursing school?  Why did I not quit? I hated nursing school, anyways! How did I persevere?  I was so angry with God.  But looking back all these years later, I now realize that I never stopped talking with God….I was having very small and short conversations with him.  “Why?” “What IF?” “Just take me.” I now know that he carried me because if he had not been there I would not have stayed in nursing school.  He provided me with a wonderful support system, my loyal friends, my family.  He wrapped me in his unconditional love.  God was glorifying himself and answering prayers.  Answering my mom’s prayers, my friend’s prayers. Even Jesus was praying that I would persevere.

This life I am living is what God has planned for me.  There is no other way. The fact is, he carried me!!  He had plans for me to save lives, hold hands, have wisdom, make a difference, have a sound mind, give me peace, be with the sickest people in ICU just like MM was, to change my view of the world, to fly in a helicopter, to meet my soul mate, to have twin boys, to share Thrive…..  He wanted me to develop perseverance.  Wounds turn into scars. But everyday I wake up, I feel good…my life is good.  I can make good choices. I can continue to have the feeling of joy, happiness, and peace.  But I had to persevere to get here!

“….let us run with perseverence the race marked out for us.”  Hebrews 12:1

I now kneel in awe of God,  In his power and might.  I rest in God knowing that he has me in my darkest moments.  I have complete confidence in the future.  What a service he wants me to provide…to be of service to those who need compassion and care.  It is an honor to be God’s vessel to care for my patient’s and share this with you.