Perseverance

Of course I have millions of memories, just like everyone else. I have many happy ones as a child, as a daughter, as a sister, and as a nurse.  But I am planning on sharing a not so happy one because I am taking a look back on my life and answering the question “how did I get here?’

It’s crazy how you can remember some memories better than others.  And some things I can’t remember at all.  I know that not remembering has been one way God has protected me from pain.  I can keep someone alive for 12 plus hours on my shift,  walk out of the hospital doors, and never think of that person again.  That sounds so cold-hearted.  But in reality that’s a gift from God so I can give my whole heart and my whole being to my next patient, your loved one, or my loved one.  I can come home and carry on with life as mom, a wife. I put the same amount of energy, prayer, comfort, and care into every person I lay my hands on as a nurse.

The things I see will change the way you view the world.  Just like my selfless husband. He deals with way worse situations, on a more regular basis as a paramedic than even I can imagine.  I tell him “You see things that no one should have to see.”

As a critical care/flight nurse I have seen much suffering, grief, sorrow, hopelessness, sadness.  I have held the hand of a 19-year-old as we disconnected him from life support.  I was the only person at his bedside when his heart stopped beating. I have seen unimaginable suffering when we prolong someone’s life with drugs and life support; they weep from every pore, the smell of death seeping out of their skin.  I have looked into many fearful eyes begging me for help.  They don’t have to say a word but their eyes say it all, it pierces your soul.

How do you do that day after day, you ask?  How do I keep my faith?  How do I have such confidence in the future?  It can be summed up in one word……perseverance. I am going to share a personal story that made me question God for the first time.  And without perserverence I would not be where I am today.  It was my first lesson that our worst times must also be times when our faith is strongest.  That moment came before I was a nurse. There was an extended period in my life that I learned greatly about continuing to achieve despite difficulties.  To hold on…God has a plan…dispite setbacks and failures.  Perseverance, like I had never known before, or I have experienced since then. I consider it one of the experiences that has sculpted me into who I am today.

“Therefore, do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward.  For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what was promised.” Hebrews 10:35-36

Perseverance to be continued…..